I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
