I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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