Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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