You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
