Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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