I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
