we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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