the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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