I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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