I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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