Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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