i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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