i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
worst night to have a conscience
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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