he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Randomize