put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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