and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize