I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
