If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You are the jesus of drinking
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
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