high people should be assigned attendants
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
