We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
