Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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