I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
