He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I think people are normalizing furries
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
