nut hugger
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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