don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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