ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
