I cockslap morals
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
