I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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