If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
The cops high fived after they tackled you
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
