I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
