you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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