no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Randomize
