just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Bring me that man meat
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