My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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