So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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