Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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