I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
