Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
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