yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
