i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
