she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
