dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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