if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
