people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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