my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
