I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
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