matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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