I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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