I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
