My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
