Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize