I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
