Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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