i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
