Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
