You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
