my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
