My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
