i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
