If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
