Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
