you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
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