could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
