I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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